Today I will pack my backpack with some clothes, coz tomorrow after work I will go direct to meet an old friend of mine. I will stay there until Saturday and hope to come back with some pics from rural Germany.
And I found my cup that I need to start my creative process. So I hope to get something selfmade pictured soon.
How crazy it is, but I am best when I do my routines. How about you?
After 25 days with the word discipline my life has not changed dramatically. I am not more pretty or clever than in 2011.
What has changed is my attitude towards some things I did not like before.
I still hate getting up early, but I did much more housework than usual and I like how our house looks like. I do not complain as much as before about things needed to be done. I still have days I am not super upper happy, but hey, you can not change a pessimistic person into an optimist during a short period of time.
I would have never choosen discipline for myself, but I believe it was what I needed.
Just love this time alone. I do not need to do something special. I did the grocery shopping and some washing. Just some tasks needed to be done. And I slept alot. And I had nice meals with a lovely white wine. And I read a bit. Over the years I read a lot of books. My bookshelves can not manage to hold them all - so now when I have read a book I do not think I need to read again - I give it away. More space and someone else can enjoy. A winwin.
After work I had a date with my skin doc. Just the half year cancer check up. Two small operations today and tomorrow a day to call ill at work coz the cuts are in not so nice places. In two weeks I will get the results and he will decide when and if I will have the next operation.
After the roof was finished I had a good day free ahead. Cold clear weather - time for a lot of fun.
Hey, my word for this year is discipline - so I made some phone-calls and got someone else to come and see the next problem in our house today and tell us tomorrow how much the repair will cost. And I went to George, my fav hairdresser. He is quick, speaks not much, knows that I alltimes come without a date and it takes just 15 minutes and is cheap.
A bit of fun - in between I went shopping, bought some books and ribbons and had a nice meal.
After trying for the third time to get flames in our open fireplace - yes, it burns, but no flames and a lot of smoke - I have now cookies in the oven - I hope to get them out before they look like coals.
Today I had to take a day off from work coz our roof was leaking. Water was coming down. Today the people with fixing skills came. And I went up to see what they are doing. Our roof is with so low high that I managed to bump my head there. On all four is the required technique.
Hope they finish their task good. Fresh brewed coffee waits for them coz it is frozen up there.
Today it was white when I looked out of the window. Still sleepy I told my husband that it must have snowed coz it is so white. Well, it was not snow - it was heavy fog.
And another thing was bothering me: My parents had announced that they would come for a visit. I could delay their wish from saturday to sunday, but that was all. I told them to come around lunch time coz we could then go out for lunch. That was what we did. It is still difficult for me to see them, but it gets much more on a comfortable level. After I moved out seeing them caused each time a four day bad time. Two days before and two days after. I was a nervous wreck and caused hazard. Now I am down to four to two hours. Four hours I was not so nice before their visit and it took me two hours to get on a normal level afterwards. So I am getting better.
I was asked why I do not publish photos at the moment. I just do not take any at the moment.
All the photos in the posts with the "Today" in the title were taken that special day. I still have some pics on my harddrive, I just prefer to use this place like my daily notebook and publish pics from the actual day.
... to clean our garbage bin. It was smelling, but empty. I was not long enough to reach the bottom so I had to jump into it. I really did not like it and I loved my shower afterwards, but it was something needed to be done.
I love pizza, I love ice-cream and today I had both. A friend came to visit who enjoys these things as much as I.
And I tried to make a fire in our open fire-place. My friend left for home - I managed to get the fire burning. My hubby came home and told me that he does not like the smell of the fire in the whole house.
Today was another rainy day. Nothing much happened. I worked long to get one extra hour to get off early tomorrow coz I want to meet with a friend. I allready ordered the pizza for take-away for tomorrow. So I will have just to jump in on my way from work and we will enjoy delicious pizza at my home. And I filled our open fire-place with wood for tomorrow. It is not cold, but I like an open fire.
Mine was hard although everyone else would tell you it was soft. Yes, I did not feel hungry and I had shelter, that is right. I grow up in my family, I went on holidays and so on. What nobody would tell you are the bad sides of this life.
Nobody would tell you of the psychological prison.
Nobody will tell you of my Granny coming (nearly daily) to tell me that
I need to go in a psych ward when I do not change my behaviour after I made my mother hit me and she left the room crying - I was 10. Nobody would tell you of the 1/2 hour controls my mother and Granny made. Nobody would tell you that I was never allowed to close the door of my room.
I could go on and on and on.
But do you know - it does not help.
I can not change history. I have to accept that my family tried to do their best.
What I have to do is to get my own resolutions. I have to decide what is good for me.
Do you know what really disturbs me?
Sometimes I look back over the day and realise I behaved like my mom.
I do not want this but...
it is really hard to change these patterns - they are like burned in my brain, but it is worth trying to change them.
I slept log, had a great breakfast and started my day with some more sleep. Heck, it is wintertime and I need my wintersleep. I woke up. Hubby was standing in front of me. He asked me to call a plumber. It is Saturday and not the usual day to call a plumber. What happened? Hubby was working in our cellar when he recognized water streaming down a wall. Where does it come from? We are waiting for the plumber now. Wintersleep has to be paused.
Today the weather was so bad in the morning - we had thunder, lightening and rain - my word discipline made me go out into this - going to work. On my way back a coworker took me by car some distance - it was hailing like hell. Now I am sitting here writing, while outside the wind brawls.